Year End Contest

So I was thinking of a new contest I wanted to run to finish the year off, and realized that I never really ended the contest called "Balderdash" that I ran back in September. I know, I know, you wish you could be awesome and organized like me. There were a lot of marvelous entries, Nemesis' and CaLM Rapids' entries being the most notable. Jenny's "skint" still has me grossed out. Still, I think my favorite two were Loradona's and Chrisw's. Here they are:

rejava:
1. v (transitive) when you recycle the coffee grounds for more than one pot of coffee. "Hey, this is disgusting; did you rejava the coffee?"
2. v (intransitive) The reaction to drinking recycled coffee. "That was so disgusting it made me rejava."

pubjus:
(plural) a pubju is the newest dog mix/hand-bag size accessory for celebrities. It's a poodle/bulldog/jack-russel/shit-zu. The only thing that exceeds their ugliness is their price tag.
It is rumored that Jessica Simpson is in negotiations to buy one since she lost her beloved maltipoo "Daisy" to a coyote.

A friend of Paris Hilton revealed that when Paris learned Jessica Simpson was getting one she was overheard as saying: "Really, I wouldn't be caught dead with one of those bitches."


When Slim won my last contest I waxed very poetic about how wonderful she is. I will attempt the same here for my current winners. I don't know Loradona very well--only through her blog. She is a committed teacher who wants to teach her students to think for themselves. I can say a little bit more about ChrisW whom I've known for many years. She is, quite simply, one of the best friends I've ever had. I've often mentioned her here, and most of my good back-in-the-day anecdotes involve her. To get an idea about how connected I am to his favorite lass, I'll tell a story from my first year of teaching.

I mostly taught sophomore biology at my first job. The school where I taught was, coincidentally, fed by the junior high where ChrisW taught. After just a few months teaching, one of my students said that I reminded her so much of her 9th grade science teacher. And yes, her teacher was ChrisW. She was my one friend who was there for me after my mission--everyone else had moved on. . . she was like a lifeline to me during a very difficult time.

But enough of that! They are the winners. Each can claim a $10 iTunes card or $10 Barnes and Noble gift card by contacting me on Hotmail at scienceteachermommy.

Now for the current contest. . .

This year I have kept track of the books I've read on a list in the right hand column of my blog. It is quite a long ways down, so I doubt most of you have actually noticed it. In an attempt to tie up some loose ends, and to give you all something to read besides my whining, I am going to do a quick review of each book of the "thumbs up" or "thumbs down" variety.

To enter the contest, you just have to give me a recommendation for next year. I will randomly choose one suggestion for every ten comments and send you an Amazon gift card so that you can choose some from my list too. This is similar to what Janssen does, but her contest is monthly. Yeah, she's awesome like that. I've included titles, but not authors or links (except to blog posts where they were already reviewed). The list is chronological for when I read them, the oldest books are at the end of the list.

• The Pilot's Wife--I only started this book last night. I'm not sure what I think of it yet, and so far it seems to be more of a character sketch of what extreme grief is like. The jacket cover hints at some kind of mystery which sounds interesting.
  
• Life of Pi--This was my second reading of this book, and I loved it even more the second time around. It is a fascinating mix of religion and science, and has something for everyone. Besides being a fantastic adventure story, it is just dang funny. If your book group hasn't done this one, you really should.
  
• Eragon--This was also a second reading, but I did not like this book nearly as well this time. His characters are in constant motion, literally, and it is so clearly a first installment that it almost seems incomplete. An excellent first novel effort, particularly for an author so young, but really not great. Paolini's created world is wonderfully imaginative and exciting, but too much of the book reads like exposition instead of plot.
  
• The Memory Keeper's Daughter-- Blech. I'd heard so much about this book and had high hopes. I just really didn't like any of the characters. The mother in this story is characterized in such a way that makes me think she would have allowed her marriage to self-destruct regardless of her husband's behavior, particularly with the stress of caring for a child with a disability. Worth a pass.
• Heart of Darkness--I actually listened to a free Librovox recording of this one. It was exceptional. I have such a love for this book. I once read that it was also the Unibomber's favorite book. I have no idea what that says about me, if anything. After reading it, several friends and I had a hilarious, memory-lane interaction on Facebook about reading this back in AP Lit in 1992. If you attempt this (most amazing English) novel (ever) then you should do so with notes in hand, or a group of friends to talk about it with. Worth every painful minute and sifting every symbol. Just, wow.
  
• Tuck Everlasting--This was another book I'd heard about from children's lit aficionados and looked forward to reading. It is a quick read, but really so obtuse. Almost too obtuse for the reading level, I think. There was some symbolism with the frog involved, I'm certain of it, but I never quite grasped it. The author creates some very likeable characters, but doesn't really resolve their story at all.
  
• Prince Caspian--I insisted that we do a read aloud of this book before I let the kids watch the movie. It was harder for them to follow than The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I like that CS Lewis doesn't talk down to kids in his books, but some of the verbage just lost the Jedi. The screenplays for both this story and the "first" are just brilliant. Whomever did them took the original simple, stories and emphasized the adventure aspects while adding elements of the effects of the Second World War on these kids. I especially love the movie's characterization of Peter and his juxtaposition to Caspian. Oh, right, it's a book review. Sorry.
  
• Madam Secretary: A Memoir by Madeline Albright--I'm still in the middle of this 800 page behemoth. My non-fiction selections always seem to be on-going, and read while I'm tearing through novels. This book is wonderful. Secretary Albright has been witness to every shaping event in modern history. Her story sheds light on many things, and whether her politics are your taste or not, her story is remarkably compelling.
  
• Sense and Sensibility--Awesome. Of course. As are both movie adaptations. This time around I listened to it from a free iTunes download. This time, the download was done through a company called LoudLit.org and their readers are just volunteers, so each reader didn't do more than a chapter or two before switching to somebody else. Many of the readers were excellent and even properly accented. But there were others . . . oh dear, they were just so bad.
  
• The Number One Ladies Detective Agency--I just discovered this book series this fall when this was a book group pick. It was just wonderful. Another book with something for everyone in it. I would like to read more in the series.
  
• Mansfield Park--I enjoyed this book, as it is impossible not to enjoy Austen. However, I would add that if you are looking to intro yourself to actual Austen (and not just films attempting Austen), this is not your best bet. Go with Pride and Prejudice or Sense and Sensibility instead, they are both just perfect.
  
• Invasive Procedures--Orson Scott Card and some other guy wrote this book. I think it was meant to be a screenplay first, and it is actually easier for me to think of this book as a movie. It would probably be fairly entertaining. Mediocre novel. An interesting side note, however: the "other guy" thanked an ex-roommate in his foreword with a rather unusual name. It was somebody I had known in high school before he moved to Panama. I facebooked him (yes, it is a verb) and found out it was the same guy. It was fun to catch up and have a gee whiz, small world moment.
  
• The Scarlet Letter--I also listened to this one for free. The same reader did the entire novel, and was very good. This is such a great American novel, and on a short list of books that really helped to both shape and define a culture. I know the Puritans had to come to the US in order to gain religious freedom, but within their own communities they sure had low tolerance for anyone different. What this book says about sin and redemption is just fascinating.
  
• The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe--I also read this to the kids. They really loved it, this time around anyway. I had attempted a few years ago but they were too young. My eight year-old especially enjoyed it.
  
• The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands--Yeah, I think enough has been said here. Those early commenters to the linked post, however, may want to go back and look. We ended up with a whopping 32 comments, some of which were adamant defenders of this book, and another who credited her husband's belief in the Laura-philosophy for ending her marriage. Good stuff.
  
• Domina--This fascinating book was a look at the difficulty of a woman becoming a doctor in the late 1800's. It was also a horrific analysis of women's health issues at the same time that women's rights in general were being brought to the forefront. This novel shed a bright light on that time period for me. I gained a lot of understanding regarding the history of abortion and contraception. In my dear grandmother's words, "The only thing about the good old days is that they are over." Strictly from a novel standpoint, however, there were problems. There were a lot of anachronisms as well as her protagonist adopting a lot of feminist movement sensibilities and free-love values that seemed almost out-of-sync with both her character and the time period. Interesting, but not amazing.
  
• The Foundling--If you are like Austen and are looking for something along the same lines, try Georgette Hyer. She can't match Austen's subtlety and wit, but she comes in as a fairly close second. This book is one of my favorites of hers, but you might also try Arabella and Sylvester.
  
• Sandition--Good grief, I would love to do a screenplay for this novel. I think it would be a lovely and hilarious Austen adaptation. I loaned my copy out and didn't get it back, but I just found another at the Goodwill last week. One man's trash . . .
  
• Jackaroo--This is a good YA fantasy novel, and a very quick read. The premise is interesting, and the characters very human. Maybe a bit forgettable.
  
• Sundays At Tiffany's--The worst book I read this year. Hands down. Maybe the worst book I read this decade.
  
• Goose Girl--I really enjoy this book, and it always makes me very hopeful about getting published. I think I could write something this good.
  
• The Appeal--Hm . . . I remember liking this the way I've liked nearly every Grisham book. But for the life of me, the plot of this one escapes me though it has just been six months since I read it. So, skip this one and read "The Testment" or "Street Lawyer" instead. Oh! Wait! Election rigging! That's right. I really did like this one. I think if your politics are on the conservative side, however, it will probably make you crazy.
  
• A Year Down Yonder--This book is just so wonderful and completely worthy of its Newberry nod. I actually like everything I've ever read by this author.
  
• A Long Way From Chicago--A companion to the one above. Either one is a good stand-alone, but they are even better together. These books chronicle time spent in the country during the Depression with a crazy (in a good way) grandmother. This one is from a boy's perspective, the other from his sister. Read them to yourself, your kids, the neighbor's kids, the dogs . . . heck, just read them!
  
• Peace Like A River--If you only read one book this year (other than the scriptures, duh!) you MUST read this book. If you hate novels and only read biographies, you still must read this book. My book group is doing this next month and I'm really looking forward to it. I read this kind of novel and think, "Who am I kidding that I would ever get published?" because it is just in a different league entirely. Peace Like a River is the definition of literary fiction and a modern classic. Can I be plainer? GO READ THIS BOOK!
• Reading Lolita in Tehran--This memoir took some time for me to get through, but it was worth it.
  
• On the Banks of Plum Creek--I read several of the Little House books to my kids this year and bought the series, used and cheap, on Amazon. We lost a little bit of steam on them. I had a friend just the other day, however, tell me that Farmer Boy was the best of the series. It is actually the one I've never read. Maybe it is time to try these again.
  
• Angels and Demons--I liked this novel even better than The DaVinci Code. I think the whole science fiction element was really enjoyable. Also, The DaVinci Code reinforces a secret society's existence that is widely thought to be mythical, whereas Angels and Demons debunks the secret society. While preserved in the movie, the Carmelengo's science "vs." religion speech he make to the college of Cardinals, the full length in the book is so much better. I liked the speech so much that it made me really hate the latter plot twist.
  
• Ethan Frome--Another great American novel that makes a very short list of MUST READS. Also a story that is best when studied in conjunction with critical notes of some kind or with a group of friends. In less than 150 pages, Wharton creates something perfect.
  
• Boxcar Children Volume #1--This was a read aloud for the kids. It was this book that really turned Jedi Knight onto chapter books and helped us get over the hump of "aw-Mom-reading-is-just-too-hard" stuff. The kids in these books just have such good manners, and it is so sweet how they look out for each other.
  
• The Scarlet Pimpernel--Mediocre. The movie done in the mid-eighties with Dr. Quinn (what is her actual name?) is MUCH better. Different, but better. The writers of the film must have created a composite from the Pimpernel books to write their story. Too much action takes place "off stage" in the book and, the reader is merely told what happened, not shown. Still, it is very interesting to think about this book in light of the dual-identitied archetype in our society. The Scarlet Pimpernel is the original Batman. Hubba. Hubba.
  
• New Moon--Oh. I think I have said enough. More than enough. And yet, you are welcome to point out that I DID re-read it this year. *sigh*
  
• The Other Boleyn Girl--Trashy. And without enough redeeming value to justify the trashiness. Yes, you are more than welcome to remind me about the cockroach in the ice cream Mormonad. Though, truthfully, this book was more like a pile of cockroaches feeding on dead mice with a scoop of ice cream on top of that. A small scoop.
  
• Twilight--Uh. See New Moon notes. And yes, I re-read this too.
  
• Little House in the Big Woods--See notes for "On the Banks of Plum Creek."
  
• Classic Cases in Medical Ethics--This is a textbook. From college. A wonderful textbook. And oh, yes, I am a complete and total geek. I'll own it.
  
• Little House on the Prairie--See notes for "On the Banks of Plum Creek." And don't you just love the illustrations in this delightful story?
  
• The Blue Sword--I love this book, and its prequel "Hero and the Crown." If you have a daughter aged 12 to 15 (roughly), you should definitely add it to her reading list. These novels are fantasy at its best.
  
• The Well of Shades--This is the third in a series of books by Juliet Murrilier called the "Bridei Chronicles." I read the first two late last year. She is a very good fantasy writer, though I don't find this collection nearly as good as the Sevenwaters books. These are told more from a male perspective and just more graphic in every respect. Still, when the next comes to paperback, I'll probably read it too. The first in this series is still my favorite.
  
• Left To Tell--This incredible memoir recounts the story of a Rwandan Tutsi who spent months on the floor of a bathroom sized four feet by three feet with SIX other women to survive the genocide in her country. The details are shocking, but it is her forgiveness of her enemies and her incredible faith that is the real story. Between this and Albright's book, I have gained a much better sense of the horrors inflicted in Rwanda such a short time ago. We tell stories so we don't forget.
  
• Mrs. Mike--I love this little book so much. I always wonder how much is fiction and where the "real" story is. I first read this book as a teenager and became convinced that if Mr. Darcy wasn't available, then I'd be just as happy married to a Canadian Mounty. Yeah, that is totally normal.
  
• Out of the Dust--A great coming of age novel about the Depression. The story is told in free verse poetic form and is only about 100 pages, but if you read too quickly, you really miss a lot. The story is great, but there are layers upon layers of symbols in it too. A treasure.
  
• Harry Potter (all 7 volumes)--Awesome. Of course. I reviewed all of these right after volume 7 came out. This time around, I read them all in about three weeks last January. Then, in the summer, I read the first three to my older boys out loud. We are taking a break for a while, because I know that as we read each book, they will want to see the movies too. Maybe next summer. But the 30 second trailer that just came out on the Deathly Hallows has me itching to re-read Year 7 again though it hasn't even been a year.
  

Whew! I think that totals 48 books? That is actually kind of a slow year for me, but life has a way of getting in the way. I think my first year of retirement will be spent reading. Every day. All day. I wonder if it would get old?

Contest time. Write down your pick you think I can't live without. Enter twice if you like, but only one pick per comment. Or, to get an entry, you are welcome to tell me how much you loved or hated one of the books I mini-reviewed.

Winter of Discontent

My adorable five year old asked for second breakfast today and I screamed. A long, loud, rip-my- throat-out scream. I was contrite in an instant, pulled him close, apologized profusely and fed him. I tried to busy myself so that I didn't take time to assess my sanity. It didn't work. I think I might be just one train stop shy of crazy town today.

Lately I have felt like that mother bird who works and works and works only to drop food into the mouths of her offspring. I've also felt about as necessary to the functioning of the universe as that bird. Not to mention feeling as drab and brown as she is.

It isn't that I feel like what I do here at home is unimportant. The thought of letting somebody else raise my little men (like in the form of daycare, not as in just chucking it all in a moving to New Zealand) makes me cringe. If I didn't think it was important then I'd find away to go back to work tomorrow. I had these kids. I'm going to raise them.

At some point each day I come to a place where my nerves are frazzled, the frequent bickering and wrestling and nagging threatening to destroy my grip on sanity. Thankfully, I usually get to that place about the time Plantboy gets home and he never questions the need to step in and help while the moment passes, or we cross that threshold just as it is time for them all to go to bed and I can recover for a few hours. Today that moment came at 9:30 a.m.

Yesterday morning I had a few friends over to discuss the book "Life of Pi" with. It was a lovely morning and much-needed for me. (Though several, recent outings have convinced me that having time away from the kids isn't a magic bullet either. The vitality it gives me doesn't seem to last more than a few hours.) We got to talking about depression and isolation in conjunction with the story. One sister said, "I can't imagine what it would be like to be so depressed that you couldn't get out of bed. How can you just drop out of your life?" I smiled and stared vacantly out of the window.

If it wasn't for fear of further disapproval in my sons' eyes, I don't think anything would have motivated me to leave the covers this morning.

Like Pi, I sometimes feel like I'm in an isolated life raft. Trying to tame a tiger. I'm sure that is a metaphor for something but I think I'm too tired to think it through. Hopefully like Pi, my faith will sustain me through this in-between place I have been in for some time now. I need to reconnect with God more carefully so that He can remind me that He knows even the needs of the sparrow.

Thanks for listening. Maybe cleaning the kitchen, again, will clear my head. Or maybe it will just reiterate the futility of fighting the chaos. Oh, dear . . . maybe I'll start by making the bed today o I don't crawl back inside of it. Or getting out of the bathrobe. And no reading of Feminist Mormon Housewives today. I think it might be toxic.

So Exactly What Do YOU Think of High School Sports?

Before beginning, I think it is important to point out that I do realize that I've only got one side of the story. Yet I think the situation is compelling and probably worth talking about.

On Wednesday nights, before they meet for their activities, I have been doing group tutoring with any of the Young Women who are interested in participating. Mostly math, but other things too. We have open enrollment in our city for public schools, so several of our girls go to a high school miles from here. Over the past few years, this particular high school has gained a well-earned reputation for having excellent sports' programs. The demographic of the area also lends itself to a fairly academic school as well. Generally high test scores, plenty of money and the football program have led to a general belief that it is the "best" high school in the city. Because of the open enrollment, parents all over the area put their kids on waiting lists to get in. The school is then able to have a large degree of discretion over who is allowed in. So naturally, as some schools cycle downward, this one is doing just the opposite.

From an LDS perspective, the high school is smack in the middle of the highest density of Mormons in our city (still, admittedly, not high). Coupled with the school's reputation, many local LDS parents try to get their kids into the school.

Now that you have some background I'll get to the point.

Some of the girls I tutor on Wednesdays attend this school, and each has a different math teacher. All men. All on the coaching staff at said high school. And every Tuesday this fall they each have a sub. A sub who doesn't have a clue about high school math.

The girls complain at length about this. They have heard that the coaches hold a day-long meeting every Tuesday in order to watch tape and to strategize. If not, this whole, all-the-football-coaches-are-sick-every-Tuesday thing seems terribly coincidental. I asked the girls if the teachers prepare ahead of time for their absences, and if they are especially helpful when they return.

They laugh and express the opinion that when these men are teaching, they are only halfway interested anyway, and that it is impossible to get the time of day from them unless you are an athlete, or dating one.

Again, one side of the story, and not an unbiased viewpoint. I'm just sayin'.

But what, exactly, am I saying? I guess it is that I'm frustrated about a school culture that allows athletics to take such heavy precedence over academics. I am especially frustrated that it happens to be the school that "everyone" wants in to. I'm frustrated that the girls (and other kids in their boat) don't feel like they have anyone they can express their anger over the situation to.

Make no mistake, if they did complain, it is hard to believe that anyone who could fix the situation would pay attention. Their team just took state, again. This year with a perfect record. Such a high school triumph gives a class bragging rights forever. Or at least it seems that way. ChrisW and I went to a high school that hadn't had a decent football team in a decade. And every year, for a seminary fireside, they would dig up some nearly thirty year-old to come and talk to us about what a spiritual experience it had been taking state in the mid-eighties. Really.

So I guess if my girls cared about football, or really lived in that community with the other kids, or were having a more "traditional" high school experience, then they wouldn't care for a moment about being immersed in a culture that glorifies a certain type of kid to the detriment of others. And make no mistake, even at schools where they work the hardest at keeping priorities straight, students with athletic ability end up with a (too often undeserved) lion's share of popularity and veneration. Sometimes because they work very hard, yes, but also because they were just born with a certain type of body or set of skills.

When our public schools go out of their way to further advantage that percentage of students already highly advantaged, are they really providing a free and fair public education?

Let's talk.

I'm Thankful for Old Friends, but Mostly for New Memories

The night of high school graduation, in the midst of the chaos of 700 graduating seniors on the football field and a threatening rainstorm, a group of 7 or 8 of us who had all been together through all of school ended up in the same place at the same time. Many of us had long-since drifted apart, but I think we knew that at some level we could all still count on one another. In just a couple months time, we would all be headed in new and mostly different directions. We were young and didn't know the terrible and wonderful things that awaited us over the next year . . . the next ten years. One of our group said, "You guys, no matter where we go or what we do, it will always be like this."

Uh . . . I might have been young, but I wasn't naive. And I was more than ready to move on.

My friend was right in some respects, and there were times, hard times, when we were there for each other. But there were other times too. Times that we weren't there for each other, and not merely because of distance. Some of it was by choice.

Then, through the miracle of Facebook, we learned that Pocohantas' mother died suddenly in a terrible car accident in October. (If you want to learn more about Pocohantas, see this post from a couple of years ago. It might be helpful because she figures into my posting every now and then.) Within two days the "old gang" was contacted and we agreed to get together for lunch the day before Thanksgiving. I think the death of our friend's mother, brought us together in a way that enough passage of time had not been able to.

I was admittedly nervous about the get-together. It has been many years since we've all seen one another. This was also my group of friends that I never felt I quite measured up to. I always felt like I was on the fringe of their group: student body officers, a head cheerleader, seminary council, a couple of amazing singers . . . you get the picture. I think I was best known through high school as the girl with a series of crazy hairdos in junior high, the one most likely to adapt a Saturday Night Live skit for an assembly and a charter member of the Save Our Earth Club. What mostly characterized my separateness from the group, however, is that I never had a boyfriend. These girls always did. And not just any boyfriends--the big men on campus types. The kind of boys who would never have even thought twice about dating my could-pass-for-a-chubby-12-year-old self.

If you know that Taylor Swift song, "You Belong With Me," you can pretty well peg exactly who I was during that era. Only the girl who was the cheer captain was also one of my closest friends, and eventually a roommate. Talk about awkward.

So why dredge all this up? Stay with me here.

Fast-forward to lunch in November 2009. The conversation was wonderfully thick with happy reminiscences of a time which so shaped us that we never quite put it behind us as we moved on. While we sat talking and laughing and sharing stories and marveling at how good we each looked, I realized something really profound: I am no longer intimidated by these women.

My feeling isn't based on any kind of comparison, they are each as wonderful and successful as ever. But being with them on that pleasant afternoon showed me that I have finally grown up enough to learn to just enjoy their company and their personalities without needing to prove anything to anybody. Without wishing that I could trade places with any one of them for any length of time. Without any petty jealousy.

Perhaps even deeper than my feeling of being totally at ease in the company of such old friends, however, was feeling completely devoid of judgment toward any of the women at the table. Our lives have taken a lot of turns and twists. In times past I have found myself highly critical of my old friends for various reasons. Perhaps you will think this sounds awful? I hope so: It means that you've already overcome this comparison obstacle, or that you never had to in the first place.

One particular friend, whose story I will not share the details of, as it is her story to tell, went through a few very difficult years. Partly as a result of difficult circumstances, and partly because of her own choices removing herself from those circumstances. As she and I said our goodbyes I hugged her and told that I was especially glad to see her, that I thought we hadn't stood by her very well in her difficult time, both because we didn't know how to, but also because we had just failed.

She smiled, a genuine smile of forgiveness, and said, "You know, I would never repeat the last five years of my life, or wish it on anyone, but it was worth it to be where I am now. I'm really happy."

You know, I would never repeat those high school years of my life, even the great parts. But all of the angst was worth it to be where I am now. I'm really happy just being myself. I hope we don't wait ten years before reuniting again. On that graduation night, when one of our crowd said, "It will always be like this," she was, of course, wrong; but maybe her sentiment has some merit. With your oldest and dearest friends it it always possible to re-connect. And while you may not pick up like no time has passed, you have enough respect and affection for one another to meet where you are at and love what you find.

Just Because You Are Part of the Chosen Generation Doesn't Mean You Don't Have to do Laundry

Last month at our Bishop's Youth Fireside the topic was "honesty." I can't exactly remember the context, but the speaker pointed out that Heavenly Father loves all of his children, regardless of the mistakes they've made; that he loves the righteous and the unrighteous completely and totally.

"He does?" said one incredulous teacher-aged boy, as if hearing this particular factoid for the first time. When the statement was backed up with an explanation and a scripture, the young man's response was still complete surprise, and, I hate to say it, he acted a bit gypped.

I'm sure that this young man has been taught the truth somewhere along the way. I'm also sure that fifteen year old-boys (and I'm sorry to say, maybe this one in particular) aren't the most compassionate creatures in the world. I'm also sure that you are teaching your children, grandchildren or nieces and nephews that just as they are children of God, so is each and every person they come in contact with. As much as this qualifier makes the words almost meaningless, each person is unique; each person is special.

We get so busy telling the kids that they are amazing, reserved to come to earth at this time and the strongest. spirits. ever, that we sometimes forget to be as forthcoming with the realization that with great blessing comes great responsibility and expectation. And not just with all that they are required to do. I think this is more about the internal achievements of self-control, empathy and sincerity. Who they become. Who they have the potential to become.

While I don't think I am teaching my kids that they are any more loved by their Heavenly Father than their friends or our neighbors, I realize that I have to be careful about my own behavior in this regard. I think as LDS people we sometimes see the world in too much black and white. Now, I'm not talking about what is right and what is wrong here, I'm talking about how we tend to categorize people as "righteous" or "unrighteous," as if there is some magic threshold you cross and BOOM you are righteous.

In nearly every conference, at least one apostle makes mention that the wickedness in our time is worse than in any other time. I'm not sure about this. (Follow me here before anyone protests.) There have been plenty of evil to the core societies throughout recorded history. Many of these civilizations didn't even have a Christian population to balance the more base aspects. Egypt. Rome. The Celtic era in the British Isles. Africa (various nations in every generation). . . . I won't go on, but you get the idea. I would much rather be alive now than, in say, a Hun-conquered territory. It may be true that certain states allow homosexual marriage, but it has to be better than burning sodomites at the stake in the public square.

This weekend I attended a neighborhood Christmas tea and cookie exchange that the ladies in my neighborhood host every year. It was absolutely lovely. The food was nice, the company was delightful, and I didn't feel a whit out of place. The women, many of whom have lived on my street for years, spoke about children now grown and the wonderful memories of when their kids were young together. Many of these women are new grandmothers, and spoke with true affection about how good parenthood had been for their children. A couple of the mothers closer to my age lamented fifteen year-old daughters thinking about dating and how nervous they were for this to start. Several expressed to me how glad they were that a family with young children had moved into the block, joking that it would be wonderful if they could "borrow" my kids for the holiday because they are just so cute. After a pleasant 90 minutes I came to the valuable realization that if I will step outside my front door a little bit more often, and not just to run over to the church again, then I could have a wonderful support system right here.

Yesterday in Sunday School our lesson was about the Proclamation on the Family. During the lesson there was much talk about the evil "out there." I don't disagree that there is evil. I also acknowledge that our media (which has always been at the extreme edge of what is appropriate) has allowed much into our homes that shouldn't be there. But I think that to separate the world into the people we know at church vs. what we think the world is based on what we see on sitcoms and the news, then we are limiting ourselves in both friendship and potential to do good. In one of the Harry Potter books, Sirius Black says to Harry, "The world isn't divided into Death Eaters and members of the Order of the Pheonix." He didn't tell Harry that there wasn't ultimate evil that should be fought, but he was counseling him to be careful about judging people without understanding their experience.

Our Sunday School discussion of worldly evil centered a lot on homosexuality and a re-definition of marriage. One sister, pregnant with her sixth, spoke about how critical "people" had been of her large family. But I bet there are just as many people who look at her and think she is brave and wonderful and cool. Maybe those critics are just the vocal ones. I have to believe that there are still loads of people--atheists, Christians, Muslims, Jews--not of of our faith who believe nuclear families are foundational to a functioning society, that unfettered sexual activity before marriage leads to heartache and baggage, that children are to be gloried and celebrated and that responsibility for your family should be at the top of your priority list. If I begin to believe otherwise, despair for raising my little brood will consume me until I'm afraid to leave the house.

Leaders of the Church, please warn and caution, but don't paint things with such stark imagery that I have difficulty looking to others with some measure of trust and faith. I don't want to be defensive when I approach somebody not of my faith. I want to see them as potential friends, mentors and sisters. (Or brothers, as it were.)

Our excellent teacher allowed people their various comments and incorporated them into a a positive discussion, yet at the same time she helped us see the "big picture" with this sacred document. Defining marriage, encouraging child-bearing and the specifics are only a part of it. At its heart, the Proclamation is about the love and responsibility we should have toward all of God's children, if for no other reason than they, like us are children of God. Obviously my husband and children should take my first priority, but I think I need to consider a little bit more closely who my neighbors are.

Our generation (or the one before, or the one after . . . ) might be "chosen," in that we are here at this time in the history of the world because we have been saved for a time of wickedness. But if I am to truly embrace this birthright with the humility it demands, then I must likewise choose to serve, love and do to the best of my ability. Or maybe better, trusting that the Lord can expand my abilities beyond what I can currently see.

Found

Remember this post? Well, yesterday I was searching my October picture downloads and the zoo pictures showed up. Because that makes lots of sense.

Anyway, either the download was bad and they turned out grainy or we were just having a picture day, but they really aren't that fabulous. This one is just for you, chrisw:

Conclusions

I actually started this post a couple of weeks ago, but never got around to finishing it. Three things prompted its completion today: finishing a book titled, The Memory Keeper's Daughter, watching the movie Up and a complete lack of desire to clean out the detritus left over after vacation.

My Segullah post was not the only one on LDS sexuality during the month of November. In fact, the first such post received something like 75 comments. My own post was geared as much toward approaching children about this sensitive subject as it was about spousal relationships--a topic not quite as "hot" as sex drive, which is what the first post was about. From the many and varied comments on the posts, some of them surprisingly blunt, as well as the variety of personal e-mails I received, I perceive that I wasn't far off the mark when I implied that in matters of intimacy, LDS women aren't always sure about where they stand and whom to talk to about their difficulties. I think the relatively anonymous nature of blogging makes it easy to open up about things that you might not ever talk about otherwise. Such anonymity allowing us to be open can be both good and bad, but that is another topic.

As I've thought about all I've read in the last couple of months on this subject, I felt like I wanted to draw a few conclusions here about things that have been meaningful to me. Perhaps they will be meaningful to you also. If not, feel free to add your own insights.

The overwhelming theme in the topic responses is that communication is the key to any successful relationship. This is true whether we are talking about husbands and wives or parents and children. It seems that initmacy is nearly impossible for women to enjoy without honesty. I was the most intrigued by the sister who wrote in about her husband finally coming clean about his pornography addiction. Before this happened to her, she would have assumed that nothing would be more damaging to her sex drive than to have this knowledge. However, once her husband admitted to this terrible thing, a huge barrier was removed between them and she found him absolutely attractive in his "naked" honesty. I thought this was fascinating; I also think that with enough work this sister could end up having a very successful marriage, and such open-ness in their relationship will hopefully make it more difficult for her husband to be secretive in the future.

The same applies to our children. Respondents who believed they had the most positive relationship with their own children or parents all said they same thing--they feel like they can talk about anything together. That is very powerful. If my sons believe they can come to me with their problems from skinned knees to hurt feelings to the facts of life to dating relationships then I will have a lot of influence about how they perceive the world. Notice I didn't say "control." Ultimately, only my children will control the decisions they make. Again, another topic worth exploring.

A second conclusion I realized in teaching our children about matters of human intimacy is that it is better to have this discussion late than never. One sister said bluntly that if you had never talked with your children about anything to do with their bodies, and then you try to sit your twelve year old down and explain to her why she is menstruating, it is going to be terribly awkward. Yet, it still should be done. I have to admit that even after I'd been through AP Biology, I would have still appreciated my mom making the effort to help me understand a little bit more about how boys ticked and how she felt about my dad.

This better-late-than-never mantra should apply to spouses also. It is so easy to fall into a routine with those we love the best. Marriages fail for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is that they grow stale with routine and low expectations. When Plantboy and I were engaged, we went to see his bishop for a routine "check-up." I only remember one part of the interview. This bishop, a very traditional older brother, said that in forty years of marriage he'd hardly ever seen his wife without her make-up. That she made a point of getting out of bed before he did each morning and at least putting on lipstick before he saw her. My 24 year-old feminist self rebelled against this idea: that his poor wife wouldn't dare appear before him without her best face on! What kind of ogre was he? Now I see this offhand statement for what the bishop probably intended: that his wife loved him so much that she always wanted to look her best for him. Even after 40 years of marriage, his attraction to her was something she valued and cultivated.

I still don't put on make-up before I get out of bed. (Neither should Sister Bishop. I can just see her pink lipstick sneaking out of her natural lips and creeping up the lines around her mouth, but I digress . . . .) But when I get dressed up to go out somewhere, even if I am not going to be with Plantboy, it is his reaction that means the very most to me. And I've learned to never miss a chance to flirt or tease or give a kiss goodbye. I hope I don't forget this lesson, even when I've been married four decades.

As for whether YOU should put on make-up before your husband sees you in the morning, well, that leads into my third conclusion: each relationship is unique. During the comment phase, particularly of the first sexuality post, a lot of people were giving specific ideas about what made an intimate relationship successful. A couple of good sisters went so far as to discuss the merits of vibrators before the moderator cut them off. I'm not sure that any of the really specific advice, particularly in such a large forum, is helpful or appropriate. There is a Woody Allen movie (Annie Hall, I think?) in which he and Diane Keaton (his love interest) are going to therapy as part of the story line. Each character is shown separately with their respective therapist. Each therapist asks the same question, "How is your sex life?" The woman's response is, "Oh! All the time, at least two or three times a week!" The man's? "Hardly ever! Three, maybe four times a week!"

Hm . . . .

Communication problem indeed. I sometimes find myself thinking, "What is normal?" But perhaps a better question is, "What is normal and comfortable FOR US." Such a question can only be answered if you hold a conversation with your loved one, holding nothing back, and set reasonable expectations on your partner. There was another sister who wrote in that, at first, for a woman who is a virgin, hardly anything will seem comfortable and that to hold yourself to THAT standard is to deny a lot of pleasure and happiness. While her point is valid and interesting, I still maintain that sex should be something enjoyed by both partners. Something that crosses the comfort line one day, may not the next. Again, you have to speak up.

And yet, you might be in a marriage and have a personality where you feel more comfortable just not talking about it at all. As hard as that is for me to imagine, again, your relationship is uniquely yours and you know better what it needed than anyone. This is especially true when we expand this individuality to your children. Just as your marriage is unlike anybody else's, so is your precise relationship with each child. Books and advice are helpful, but ultimately you have to decide the best time, age and circumstances to approach your children about intimacy. I think listening to the Spirit is a big thing here.

It was Mike (the lone male willing to show his face on the subject, though Plantboy and I talked over nearly every comment together) who really got me thinking about my last conclusion on the subject. Discussions about sexuality need to be approached with values at the forefront, but also facts. While necessary between spouses (one sister indicated how valuable a book on female anatomy had been), such fact-based discussion is perhaps even more important with our children. From the young man who feels intense guilt over uncontrolled dream-fantasies after being told in a fireside that even sinful thoughts make you evil to the young woman who innocently sits on her boyfriend's lap while wearing a mini-skirt, a basic understanding of the biology involved is as necessary as a standards talk.

The problem, too often, is just that as we perceive a person's spiritual nature as completely different from and even opposed to their sensual nature, we also look at science and religion as dichotomies. This is a mistake. ALL learning can be for our good, particularly if we strive to understand just how important it is to our Heavenly Father that we have a body AND a spirit. Striving to defeat the natural man is not about learning to hate your physical body. It is about learning that there is a time and a place for certain behaviors, that self-mastery is the key to being filled with the pure love of Christ. A young man with self-control and integrity is still going to have wet dreams regularly. A young woman who dresses modestly still has to be careful about what she says to a young man or how she kisses him for BOTH their sakes. A husband who has a hard time helping his wife at home will find an uninterested lover. A wife, on the other hand, will nearly ALWAYS find an interested lover, so it is important that she not lead her man on too far without intentions to act on her teasing.

Being human is both complicated and wonderful. Perhaps the key with any struggle is to recognize that our Father created us the way we are for a reason. The spirit and the flesh.

As for why my entertainment selections of the last week prompted this post, The Memory Keeper's Daughter was one of the most depressing novels I've read this year. I didn't really like or identify with any of the characters, and I especially disliked the author's portrayal of marriage. In fact, my favorite character, was the Memory Keeper himself who gave his daughter away in a moment of supreme need to control the outcome of a difficult situation. I'm not sure if this says something disastrous about me, or is a tribute to just how unlikeable the characters in this story are. The movie Up, though I cried for nearly the entire length of the film, is probably one of the sweetest movies I've ever seen. It showed me that you can't just keep sitting around and waiting for life to happen. You have to seize the big opportunities when you get them sure, but you also have realize before it is too late that the real adventure is in living quiet, everyday moments with the ones you love best. Memories of a life are built as powerfully in simple things as in grand adventure. Ellie's message from the grave to her crotchety husband is that she didn't regret a thing. I don't want to regret a thing.

I'm thankful for my life, and for the love that Plantboy and I have worked so hard to cultivate. We have lived for some time now in relative ease and comfort, temporarily immune from the deep and difficult trials so many seem to be faced with right now. I hope that this season of joy hasn't made me complacent to my many blessings, or calloused toward those with greater struggles. As the holiday season moves into full swing this year, I pray that I will put off some of the frivolity in exchange for more meaningful thoughts and friendships. That I will decorate less and serve more. That I will fill my scrapbook with more memories and fewer unfulfilled promises.

Happy December-ing.

You Want A New Moon Review? I'll Give You a New Moon Review. Two Words: Team Jacob

Is it just me or does Robert Pattinson look like he is eating meth for breakfast, lunch AND dinner? Oh, and that he borrowed his dad's suit?

Don't get me wrong, there were definite highlights, the first of which is that Edward dumped the pea-coat. Ugh.

Secondly, I dared to wear the skinny jeans with the BOOTS OVER THE TOP OF THEM for the first time in public. (Up until now I've just walked around the house saying to myself, "What are you, a teenager? They just look stupid!") And then, rocking said look so hard that a complete stranger at the grocery store said, "I have to tell you; you just look so cute." Well, strange and forthright lady, thanks very much for making my whole night. Oh, and my hair was good. In Utah, I can actually pull off straight without too much work.

The next highlight was getting to hang with my sister and her friend. Though we were sitting next to half of Friend's Relief Society, I still felt a bit like we were out on the town.

Jacob's shoulders. Yes, Taylor Whats-his-name is probably on the juice/roids, but he really is kind of beautiful. His hours in the gym made for a shocking disappointment when Edward took off his shirt in some kind of weird suicide attempt. Apparently, Pattycakes is an adherent to the Kate Moss school of beauty. Right, we are doing highlights . . .

The supporting cast was good--Charlie's performance is spot-on and Bella's school friends are hilarious. I also liked the banter between the wolf-boys in Jacob's pack. Sam's fiance was perfect. The Volturi were good, and only outshined by their gorgeous city. I've always felt that this particular story really feels like two seperate stories. The life with Jacob and her bizarre Italy venture, but both settings were equally beautiful. The movie perhaps made that contrast between the two realities more understandable. Alice is perfectly adorable, of course.

The screenplay was true to the book, which is mostly a good thing (my own screenplay was rejected), but Meyer's best and most honest line from the whole book was left out. I can't even remember the context exactly, but Mike says to Bella that "girls are cruel." Bella's cruelty and her slow torture of Jacob is so apparent in this installment, particularly because of Taylor Thingy's very good performance. His anger and pain is much more compelling than Edward's Romeo complex and mumbled lines. Reading the books, I vacillated between Team Edward and Team Jacob and landed squarely with Team Darcy. After seeing New Moon, however, I have no more doubt about my loyalty. (Yes, yes, it is with Austen, but as far as the Twilight "Saga" is concerned, I'm all about Jacob.)

I won't do a lowlights section. All right, I changed my mind.

I nearly laughed out loud during several parts that weren't meant to be funny. This was not unlike the first movie. I wasn't alone in my laughter either. For example, Bella and Edward running through the sunlit forest looking as though they were headed for an Easter Egg Hunt. For two people meant to be uber-fast/strong/immortal/fabulous, they both run like they have two left legs. There were just moments during which I couldn't find that inner teenage girl. I wonder if I was ever that girl?

Did I mention Robert Pattinson's need to work out? Oh, yeah.

What about wanting to hurl rocks at Bella's head? That too, huh?

Why does Kristen Stewart flutter her eyes and shake her head when she gets emotional? ANY kind of emotional. Inquiring minds want to know. I want to know. Robert, personal trainer, check. Kristen, acting coach, check.

Who else thinks that Esme was wearing a Bumpits? (No, not Bum Pits. Check the link.)

I guess that is it then. The Christmas Day opening of Sherlock Holmes would be a blast. Robert Downy Jr. and Jude Law? Now THOSE are two men I'd like to choose between. Oh, and did anyone else see the preview for Writing Letters to Juliet? Now THAT is a romance movie set in Italy that I would LOVE to see. Who is up for a date?

New Moon Tickets

So is it called eating your words if you never actually bagged on the movie publicly? My sister called tonight to tell me that she has New Moon tickets for the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. It disturbs me a little bit to realize how excited I am. I keep telling myself that it is more about the girl time than the movie itself.

In some ways I think I liked the the movie Twilight better than the book Twilight. I never really did a review because you've all heard enough of my views about Sister Meyer's success to not really give credit to anything I might say. If I'm too complimentary then all my prior criticism looks like sour grapes. And if I'm too critical then I just seem well, jealous.

I'm not saying I'm ready to run out to and get throw pillows for my bed with life-sized images of Robert Pattison's head or anything. I just want to go to the movies with my peeps and pretend for a couple of hours that entertainment is the thing that matters most.

Calling All Wannabe Editors

I have a new manuscript that I need some more eyes to look at. I am not going to post it on my other blog for a couple of reasons. Tabula Rasa didn't get the traffic or the feedback I had hoped for. Oh, several of you visited, and those of you who said anything about Abish: The Story of a Convert were very complimentary, thank you, but I think I was hoping for something else. Something constructive--a way to improve.

If you would like a copy of my new manuscript, here is what I'm looking for from this preliminary reader's circle:

1 - General feedback about what worked and didn't work, over all.
2 - Specific feedback about places in the novel that might be improved.
3 -I am not looking for someone to edit line by line, but if you find glaring mistakes, they should be brought to my attention.
4 - An honest opinion about the storytelling method and tone of the story.
5 - Title suggestions.

If you would be willing to do that without fear of hurting my feelings, (I really am getting tougher with this writing stuff) then here are a few specifics:

1 - I am only sending out the manuscript electronically. I don't have the software to create PDF files on my computer, so I would send it as a Word document. I would ask you very respectfully not to make changes to the actual manuscript, but instead to open a separate document (or written notes that could be scanned or typed later) to keep track of your comments, referencing pages or chapters.
2 - When you finish the manuscript and send me your feedback, I would ask you to delete my rough copy from your computer.

If you still manage to be interested after all of the above, then here are a few details about the novel itself so that you can decide if the material would even interest you:

1 - The epilogue of this story was written 12 years ago, so it is safe to say that I have given it a whole lot of thought. The chapters are told from shifting viewpoints; the whole story is only put together near the end. It mostly flows chronologically, but not entirely.
2 - It is essentially an LDS romance novel. I try to remind myself that such designation is a category and not a put-down, but it is hard to remember sometimes. If I seek publication for the story it will be through LDS publishers only. Thematically, I would have to really dismember it to make it appeal to a broader audience. I don't think you necessarily need to be a member of the LDS church to appreciate it, but a knowledge of LDS culture and standards would probably be helpful. The book assumes you already have some background.
3- It is hard for me to define exactly who the audience is. The main characters, through most of the story, are in their early twenties. Most of their coming of age stuff takes place as background information.
4 - The novel is actually quite entertaining. The Word document is 230 pages or so, but TamathyC finished it in mostly one sitting. Taking notes as you go will make your reading a bit more time consuming, but I'd like to think you will be compensated for your time.

Whew. If you have made it this far and want to sign up for a copy then leave a comment. If I don't already have your email address, then leave it in the comments section or e-mail it directly to me at scienceteachermommy (at) hotmail (dot) com. Best case scenario would be between five and ten readers, but having no idea what kind of response an exercise like this will gain I don't want to either have a threshold number or limit any interested parties.